“Fostering Strong Connections and Building Team Cohesion with Youth”

[00:00:05] Jake White: Welcome back everyone to the Party Talk podcast. I’m so excited about today, because I’m interviewing the beautiful, talented, kind, amazing, Emily White. That’s right, nepotism is real on this episode. I’m interviewing Emily because she’s a resident hall director at a university here in Phoenix. And I’m going to ask her all questions about her job and how she works with youth. And, honestly, I share all of our stuff too, with Vive 18 and Party Point O with her, and she always gives me the best ideas. So let’s welcome Emily White to the show. How’s it going? Emily?

[00:00:46] Emily White: Good.

[00:00:47] Jake White: So you work with youth, tell us more about what you do?

[00:00:50] Emily White: So I’m a resident hall director, like Jake said, my role really just focuses on building a team of leaders that then impact the rest of the hall. So the idea is that you invest in these 8-12 students really deeply and then they can then impact other students because they’re getting developed in that way.

[00:01:13] Jake White: And you’ve been doing this role for about six to seven years now. We’ve been living on campus. It’s been awesome. And what keeps you going because you’re one of the longest running resident hall directors on campus here. And people are like, what you’ve been doing this, that long, that you want to move off campus, but you love your job? Can you tell us more about why you love working with students?

[00:01:34] Emily White: So the wonderful thing about working with students is that there is a new group every year that they breathe new life, new excitement, it’s new for them. And then for the ones that are coming back for maybe a second, third, fourth year, they get new ideas, they’re spurred on by these the new energy that these new students bring. And college age is just so fun, because they’re just out there experiencing the world. They’re all like, “The classic is probably down here and who am I college moment.” And it’s just really fun, because it feels like they can do anything. So they’re willing to try anything. And for me, my personal I think that’s what keeps me coming back for year two, year three, now going into year seven, is that every year is new. So I could do the job be like, “Oh, this worked seven years ago.” So we’re gonna do it again the next year, and we’re gonna do it again next year. But to keep it fun for me, and to keep fun for our students is, how can we make this fun in a different way that may be how we made it fun the year before? Obviously, for some things, this works. Let’s do this again, and again, but how can we to get and keep it new, fresh, exciting, fun for this new batch of students, because what freshmen college students thought was really fun seven years ago, or a funny relevant joke just isn’t as funny or relevant now, as it was my first year.

[00:03:09] Jake White: Well said, I think that there’s a lot of relatability between the drug prevention fields because as we’re employed as adults, to help youth make better decisions or on drugs and alcohol, it can kind of feel scary, “How do we lead young people, though? How do we get them involved and engaged?” And it sounds like you take a new proactive approach every single year. We’re going to learn from what we did last year. But it’s not going to stay the same. Because the students have changed, our culture has changed. So there’s a lot of crossover between what we’re doing. And that’s what I was hoping this episode, why I think it’s going to be cool for everyone is because when you’re in different fields, we might think that we’ve heard everything under the sun when it comes to drug prevention, but when you cross different fields, you can always learn from new people. So my next question, I’m going to start with a story. I think you remember this. And then I got a question about team building. I remember I was going to speak at college orientation season. And I remember leaving for that trip, feeling sorry for you. You had a new group of students, and they were in our living room, and it was supposed to be like, the first time they’re meeting it was team bonding. And I walked in the room and it was one of the most awkward things I’ve ever seen. They’re scrunched into our living room. No one is talking. Like they’re just looking at their fingers looking at their phones, like try not to rub knees and elbows on the couch. It was so bad. And I remember leaving that trip, I come back maybe a few days later or maybe it must have been a few days later because the weekend having orientation speaking. And then Monday or Tuesday morning I’m back and it is not I’d even feel like the same group there. It felt like they’re best friends now who just happened to work together. They’re laughing, telling jokes, they have memories. I walked into our apartment again and it is just buzzing with energy and friendship. And so my question for you, Emily White is, how do you help facilitate that when students are coming together as a new group, a new entity, and developing relationships and feeling good about one another and building something really, really cool? What advice could you give us or how do you go about doing that?

“Effective Communication Strategies and Student Engagement in College Leadership”

[00:05:35] Emily White: I remember that feeling that you’re describing vividly, it wasn’t a very big living room. It was like temporary housing until our house was done being built. And every year it gives you like, “Oh no, this group isn’t gonna click, this isn’t it, we hired wrong.” But just remembering to lean into the awkward. I think that’s the biggest thing, not getting too worried in the front, and that this isn’t gonna work. Because there’s always that day for every single team last seven years, where it’s like day two, three, maybe four, depending on the group, where we have to, “Alright, everyone settle down before we dive into our training activities.” Whereas the first few days, they’re just sitting there, how to ready to start? And it’s totally like you said, they’ve been friends for forever by a few days. So in my mind, how do we kickstart that so years after and years prior, I’ve done this and giving them something to do. So I think a lot of times when we have a team mixer, we’re thinking, “Oh, they want to get to know each other right away.” Let’s get together and hang out before we dive into this train portion where we’re learning and there’s not really much time for mingling and getting to know one another, in a deeper sense. But how do you do that when everyone’s just meeting each other for the first time and some of your students are probably just naturally love meeting new people. They’re asking them where they grew up. They know the classic, get to know you questions, they live for the meeting new friends, those classic characters to me are no strangers, just friends, I haven’t met yet, which is me. But not every student you work with is going to be like that, and that’s totally fine. But how do we jump start those relationships sooner in the week, when they’re just getting energized so that all of our other training times can be way more beneficial because they feel they’re in it together. So giving them an activity to do not just getting to know one another isn’t activity, but something else that they can focus on together. And I think of some of the things I’ve done with teams in the past to kind of get that fun that they’ve bonded over something that they’ve done together or have a funny moment to look back to later on. Like, remember, we did this. So even simple things like a tweak on a photo scavenger hunt, which feels like a classic conference camp kind of game. And sort of doing that making it again, this is how you change for each generation of students that are coming to help making it a TikTok scavenger hunt. So we had a different prom that they had to create this TikTok. So one of them was creating a TikTok with incorporating all of the names of the people on your team. So we’ve added in smaller groups so they could do that. And that says something about that person and what they bring to that team and that was one of the prompts. There’s seven different ones. We gave them a chunk of time to go out and came back and we all watch everyone’s videos. So even if you weren’t on that team, we were watching all of them on the television together. And this one to you, I can just picture it. They totally committed to a theme and delivered seamlessly. So the prompt was to write a rap about the team members that they’re with and they go to the top of the parking garage. It is drizzling rain, and they turn on car headlights and are standing in front of the car lights with the rangers and like totally R&B music video vibes. And they are rapping and like leaning in front of their car lights with everyone in the room even, though they weren’t on the team were like, like freaking out about just how funny it was like hub that they committed to the bit and everyone was talking about it all year just having that. So going back to her, “We did that”. That was so funny. So then we’re able to dive into the trainings and stuff that they’ve had that moment to bond together that they’re able to get to know one another because they’ve done this activity together. And that moment where you bring everybody into space to just get to know, each other doesn’t feel as awkward because they’ve now had the shared experience. I think that’s the thing that really can jumpstart a team.

[00:10:18] Jake White: That’s such a good illustration. Because I remember watching that video, it was hilarious. It’s so good. And what I’m taking from that is that we can’t expect students to be social butterflies. Some of them are, some of them aren’t. Depending on your work, probably us in drug prevention, we’re not dealing with the most social butterflies. So we have to help facilitate something that can allow them to get to know each other. But it’s got to be fun and active. So sitting someone plopping them next to each other and saying, “Get to know each other, or just a conversation game.” Is it really enough? We should get creative and do something like that. Can you remember? And you can just kind of list off if there any is any that you remember, other games that you would use? Maybe there’s some standard ones or some creative ones like that, you remember as well, because I bet you some people are going to steal that TikTok challenge, but any other that you can share?

[00:11:13] Emily White: Honestly, TikTok is where I get most of my really great team bonding ideas. Almost every single bachelorette party bachelor party theme, you can do a sober spin on. And it’s funny because they’re able to create a bunch of different activities based on one theme. So for example, my building this year is going to be called Santa Cruz. So making everything that coastal cowboy vibe that’s kind of in right now. And just doing all the different activities that have to do with that that I see on tick tock survivor themed nights, we had a team that was super into survivor or even whatever the big show is that was coming out like few years ago when Stranger Things was having a new season that came out right before students came back. We did Stranger Things themed kind of a clue where they had a riddle that they had to solve that led them to a next riddle. And it led them kind of all over the building in different parts of campus. Playing volleyball together, it doesn’t have to be a good theme or it can be really simple a classic thing, a big cornhole tournament, something like that.

[00:12:24] Jake White: I remember you doing at some point too, because you would keep a pulse on what’s popular with the students. So when Top Gun was coming out, is you did the they had to make their own call signs and create a helmet, and they loved that it allowed them to get to know each other, get creative to do something. So there wasn’t a pressure to be talking, that was a good one. This one you mentioned you’re making gingerbread houses with cookie dough or I guess sandcastles, and it’s Santa Cruz. So stuff like that is super inspiring. And if that sounds daunting to anybody here is you can just look up like you can Google top trending teen things or top five trending on Twitter or Instagram or TikTok. You don’t have to be sitting on TikTok forever, or be like habit downloaded on your phone to know what students are actually getting into. You can just Google it, or research it and it’ll pop up, there’ll be a short article, or even better, is to ask your students who are coming back from last year, if they want to lead some welcome activities and ask them, “Hey, what are some themes that are going on right now some trends?” So they can help you come up with those ideas and you don’t have to be sitting on TikTok or social media?

[00:13:44] Emily White: That is great. I’m going to talk about how you said leaning on your students that are coming back from previous years. I think that’s something that I really relied on. They bring the energy they bring the fun. They’re also somebody to maybe talk to when another student that’s new learning the ropes isn’t sure what to do, they can go to appear and they’re seen kind of as someone that can help them bounce ideas off of them, that someone who’s been there before someone walked through them with it. And that’s something that maybe not all your students realize that they’re seen as an extra leader because they’ve seen and been there before. And I always like to set up my returners before everybody comes back with, “I want you to be a leader. This is what I want from you and you’re going to get Dutch Bros or Starbucks, like you’re inviting other people on the team, those other team bonding things that just happen naturally outside of the time that maybe you’re facilitating an organized activity.” You’re kind of having them be a part of that building the team building the memories, getting that kind of solid foundation of friendship so that they’re able to have more fun.

[00:14:56] Jake White: So often, because you have a team of 12, you’re 8-12 students, and you’re doing a lot of communication with them, and holding them accountable for certain responsibilities. So first quick question is, how do you communicate with your team? Because that’s one of the things that people in prevention say is like, they’re not responding to my texts, or they don’t they use phone calls.

[00:15:19] Emily White: No, they don’t.

[00:15:20] Jake White: So how do you find young people are communicating these days? And how do you adjust to them? Or what do you use to communicate, that’s worked?

[00:15:28] Emily White: So use an app called GroupMe, we’ve had a lot of success with that this year, I’m trying just again, a Text group, but individually, basically reach out to students via “Hey, can you like this message?” So I know that this update, and we kind of set that standard right away in the beginning of the year. If you’re not liking a message that has proven information that we’re saying like this, when you read it, then we reach out say, can you like this message? Did you read it, and then we’ll go in and like it and having a weekly check in time. Also, just to catch up in maybe anything that was missed, like an in person meeting is really helpful.

[00:16:08] Jake White: That’s a really good idea. Number one, having a process where it says, “When I send this out, this is my expectation from you, and the whole team knows it.” And like you said, doing that at the beginning. So when you’re setting culture, or you’re having fun, or when you’re getting down to work, like you can kind of set those values. And hey, just because just like you would want me to respond to one of your texts. But I know in a group setting, it’s not always appropriate. It’s a little annoying if everyone responds, but here’s what we’ll do. Like the message, I love that. It’s not blowing up everybody’s phones. And it’s a channel that they’re using specifically for you probably, or maybe a few other groups. The next part of my question is, I’m sure that there are some people that work at the University and maybe are frustrated, because it’s a student position that they’re working with. They’re student leaders, and students are busy, they’ve got a lot going on, they’re doing like extracurricular. They don’t know maybe what they want to do for a living. So there’s a lot of uncertainty. And I bet you they dropped the ball sometimes.

[00:17:18] Emily White: I haven’t.

[00:17:19] Jake White: That’s a nice way to say it. But I’ve noticed that you tend to be pretty good at building up your team, and then your students held accountable, but they still love their jobs. So what do you think is the difference between the people that do your job that are maybe frustrated with student’s performance and accountability? And the people that are happy with it and say, “Hey, my students are doing a great job.” Do you have any ideas of what they might be doing differently?

[00:17:45] Emily White: I think it’s just a good reminder, exactly how you start out with, they’re just college students and they’re just students. So 31 years old, I’ve had time to figure out processes and figure out what works for me and my personality stay organized, they’re still figuring all of that out. So I think always, whenever I’m frustrated, it’s good to remind myself of that. And I think people as they would do that would find a lot more success. And then also, looking back on me, how is maybe the process I’ve set up not working? And how can I change this process to make it better? To make it less frustrating for me, to make it less frustrating for my student, because then I’m not having to reach out that, “Hey, this is done, can I get this, can I get that?” But changing the process so that we’re able to catch up on everything’s during our meetings, changing maybe a due date. So it’s something where we’re in person together, or we can work on it together setting up some kind of homework hour for me, that’s what’s really helped me be successful not get stressed with college students, or high school students as they’re just figuring out who they are and how they work. And some of my students, they’re like, “No, I don’t need you checking in person.” And because they’ve got it figured out, they’re maybe a little bit more type a detail oriented. But as a person who I grew up view more that spontaneous fun, I’ll get down when it gets done kindness, we’re helping those students keep on task. I think having that system in place where they’re able to follow up in person is a huge thing.

[00:19:29] Jake White: It sounds like you’d have a weekly meeting you call the one on one with the students to go through their expectations and where they are and you talked about processes. So maybe if there’s any things that you go through with the one on one what that looks like, and then what are those specific checklists are processes that could be helpful for other people.

[00:19:51] Emily White: I built out called just a one on one check in list and it has all the things that are required of them to do for their jobs. So for them, they have to have a bulletin board once a month, they have to submit a record of the conversations that they had that detail out, maybe the student is having a hard time with family, we want to make sure we keep them on my radar, make sure they’re feeling supported, or have things that we want to celebrate with them, maybe they got a new job, they have a new boyfriend girlfriends things, like good and bad. But we want to just keep tabs making sure everyone’s feeling cared and supported for. And then they have every other week, they have an event that they have to throw for their floor. So they have a forum that they submit and tell us outline what the event is going to be. And then they submit after that lets us know, “Hey, this is what work. This is what did it.” So those are the main sections that they have to do for each point. I look back on. , what’s been done? What did you do this last point? So for the first one, Bolton boards, this last one, this is what was really great. Maybe next time, let’s try this, if it was maybe a little weak, didn’t have much in terms of helpful information, or students don’t really seem to connect with it. And then looking forward to the next thing. So whenever they come in person, they’re always getting a recap of what they did great or maybe they can improve. And then looking forward to what are the next deadlines that are coming up for this topic. So if there’s anything that’s been missed, al, let’s do it right now. And they know during that meeting, that if any of those sections aren’t up to date, that’s what we’re going to be spending our time on in our one on one hour meeting. And I found that most of my students have I set that being the year, this is kind of what it is, it’s your hour to do with me as you want. If you need want to use that as kind of a homework hour and we work on things together, that’s great. But if you don’t, then we get to do fun kind of development such that they want to learn a new skill, figure out how to knit they want to do slack lining learned a longboard, where we spend that time just doing fun things together learning different things, if they don’t need that additional help touching in or keeping up to date on all their tasks that are required on time.

[00:22:01] Jake White: What I love about that is that your students have the freedom to work as they would on their own schedule and figure it out. But you’ve got the deadline of the one on one where they get to hang out with you, if they’ve done their work already do something fun. Or if they haven’t, it’s great, we set aside this time. And that’s why I love I love the idea of working meetings, like meetings just for information sake, you could just put in an email. But if it’s something that can be more than that what you’ve made it, then that’s something that they look forward to, they get the feeling of accomplishment, you get to do something as a group or as a team. And that just makes it sound really, really fun, really impactful. And you get to avoid all the frustrations of them saying I didn’t get it done. So what I’m taking away for our job is as much as you can do in meetings, do in meetings, have a regular check in where they know their expectations and what you’re going to review. And then even that third tip of make it fun. Like, if you got a one on one with your students, this is going to be a development opportunity for them. They get to journal, they get to share with you, they get to reflect on everything they did and I will go on a limb to say that students want to make you proud. They want to show off the good work that you’re doing. So just what a confidence builder for the students to get to have you as a mentor. And remember that if you’re listening to this, that you’re a student mentor, and you’re getting to pour into their lives. So that’s just a really, really sweet opportunity. And I’ve seen with you, Emily, that’s why when students leave your staff, they’re sad, or just not good, but it is good. They love you. And he loves spending time with you. And they can all speak on how you’ve impacted their lives because you’ve set aside time, even if it’s just an hour a week with them, where you’re learning their interests asking about them. I remember one time somebody wanted to learn how to knit because they just never learned on YouTube, out on YouTube and knitted together, which is just super cool. So if anybody can learn from those things that Emily shared, that’s fantastic. The last question that I have for you, Emily White, is this. You have this thing called passive programming, where students will make bulletin boards or they’ll have some sort of education where not an entire event is planned. But they get to set something up in the lobby or in the hallways. And sometimes you’re talking about prevention or mental health or setting good habits are relieving stress. I’m curious, has there been any projects in that realm that you’ve been really impressed by or that you can speak to and people get inspired by?

“Engaging Passive Programming in Student Housing for Enhanced Community Interaction”

[00:24:41] Emily White: Yeah, passive program. So there’s a bulletin board on every floor where student lives and the RA’s are responsible to fill that with information. And again, just like the fun bonding events, making it relevant, but also have helpful information. I think the most fun or engaging ones are what ones were, students can quote either an idea they have. So they talk, for example about self-care time management and they have some tips and tricks on one side. But then there’s a section of the bulletin board that allows people to engage with it and say, “This is my favorite way to manage my time or this is an idea that maybe wasn’t on the board.” Something that they either drop a pin, just stick it in the bulletin board, something where they can write in a with a permanent marker, something that they can let the rest of their floor know what their ideas are, how they can engage with something that allows them to take something away. Whether that’s a flyer with recipes of how to cook cake in a mug, in a microwave, in your dorm, or tips for if you’re new, going to the gym, things that they can take away with them that just a little half sheet flyer, a bag of tea with things written on it, something that allows them to interact with it, even though nobody else is around.

[00:26:01] Jake White: Cool. This has been awesome. Emily, thanks for being on the Party Talk podcast where we empower leaders and youth drug prevention. I hope that everyone is listening has taken some notes if they’re not driving, because I’ve definitely got some ideas from you over the years. And lucky enough I get to live with you and be your husband. So I’m always getting this kind of gold. If you found this episode valuable, you can do two things for us. Number one is you can subscribe to the show so you get alerted every Monday when we do a new episode. And two, you can share with a friend, anybody who’s in the prevention or works with youth. Send them this episode and let them impact youth better every single day. We’ll see you on the next episode of Party Talk.